The Canadian Tire Guy
The Canadian Tire Guy (also known as "The Bearded Guy") has gone from minor Canadian annoyance to a minor Canadian obsession.
The Edmonton Sun's Sally Johnston tries to investigate the mysterious man:
The Edmonton Sun's Sally Johnston tries to investigate the mysterious man:
I tried to track down the Canadian Tire guy yesterday. You know, the one who repeatedly pops up on the TV screen with his pretend wife touting handyman gadgets and gizmos.Here's that year-old article by Mark Bonokoski.
Fellow Sun columnist Lyn Cockburn gave him a good-natured ribbing recently. He's also named on a website dedicated to the most annoying Canadians. And everyone I know is irritated by his smug and oh-so-capable shtick.
So I wanted to ask: How does it feel to be so ridiculed?
I guess I'll never know. Caroline Casselman, Canadian Tire's PR gal, refused to even reveal the actor's real name. In a terse voicemail she burbled on about privacy and stuff.
So I hit the Internet. And discovered that he is Ted Simonett, born 1953. My next call was to ACTRA, an actors' union where Carol Taverner was tickled by my request.
Taverner directed me to Characters Talent Agency in Toronto where I was put through to Simonett's agent, a woman who identified herself only as Donna.
"No, you can't interview him," she said bluntly.
The reason? A no-interview clause in his contract.
"If you start to explain who he really is then the character isn't believable," said Donna.
Believable? Of course it's not believable. It's a commercial. He's an actor. And if Tom Cruise talks about the characters he plays, why can't Mr. Simonett?
"Well, you can't compare him with a megastar like Tom Cruise," scoffed Donna.
But then she softened slightly.
"Actually, Ted is an absolute gentleman."
I trolled the Internet one last time but was able to find only a curious sketch of Simonett, a list of film and TV credits, and a website where I listened to commercial voiceovers he's done for Mazda, Chevrelot, the Bay and Scotia mutual funds.
Finally I accidentally stumbled on a link to an article about Simonett written by the Toronto Sun's Mark Bonokoski last summer. Incredibly, he went through exactly the same rigamarole as me, and got turned away by everyone.
Seems the Canadian Tire guy is one elusive dude.
48 Comments:
I found a new picture of him
http://eteamz.active.com/burlingtonwildcats/images/_Ted-Simonett.jpg
I hope this guy has an enema, then dies. And thanks for the picture I'll be throwing darts at it tonight...
-->Nikosapi
I saw him looking at fleece jackets at Mountain Equipment Co-op in Toronto last August. I just chickened out on confronting him on his annoyinness.
My blog mentioning him is here: www.pauljhenderson.com/blogopaul/blogopaul.html
I have hated this cheesy campaign for years and Canadian Tire just doesn't get it. Every time he hits the airways, I just reach for the remote. No pain, no gain . . . . no purchase. End of cheesy story.
I have been just as annoyed as anyone by this guy for years. Even my mom interrupted me in mid-conversation during a long-distance, cross-country telephone call to remark "Oh, that Canadian Tire Guy is on the t.v. again. Oh, he's so phoney!"
But now that he's being replaced (apparently) and I've found several articles/blogs attacking him, I'm starting to feel sympathetic for the old phoney! He's such a complete dud that he's almost entertaining, in a hapless, helpless kind of way. His unfortunate allergy to being even the tiniest bit cool is kind of endearing, albiet in a dorky, heart-in-the-right-place dad kinda way.
Well, cheers, Canadian Tire Guy; at least you outlasted that googly-eyed Building Box Tool Box mascot.
If I had a neighbour like him I would of beaten him by now. Doesn't Canadain Tire realize that these commercials just hurt there rep?
Ok get this. The "canadian tire guy" was in the canadian tire im my home town (pentiction bc) and so just 2 b a jerk i decided to ask him very stupid questions. For Example. umm umm.... would you rather eat a pigion or a snake. or *excuse me* do you like cat fur caz i herd you do and i have a whole jar of it just for you. Eventually i get kicked out of the store and said "with him in there i wouldent ever come back" so that goes to show how much a "gentlemen" can scare away 32 million canadians.
I cannot stand this guy. What a major dork. If I had a neighbour like that, I'd build a ten foot fence, until I needed to borrow something.
he is the biggest loser on the whole of the entire planet!!!
i can't ever get back those 15 secinds he stole from me during comerical breaks curse you CANDIAN TIRE GUY!!
Irritating Canadian Tire guy is one of those guys you just love to hate...pretty cool advertising strategy on the part of Canadian Tire...thanks to irritating Canadian Tire guy we'll never forget Canadian Tire and its products...we'll miss irritating Canadian Tire guy when he's gone to wherever...maybe to a neighbourhood near YOU!
When people around the world see "Canadians" represented by Ted Simonette, I think he should be tried for treason and given an old fashioned Riel'n.
Canadian Tire Guy sucks hes so frigen annoying and he gets on my nerves. Hes some crappy old guy no one likes and he is stupid. If I was his neighbor i would shot him burn down canadian tire and destroy his gadgets and Canadian Tire guy I HATE U
May I have your attention ladies.
It has come to my attention, that Big Gay Ted has a case of the old button dick. That's right, the old mushroom sans stem. According to a reliable source known to me, who frequents the same exercise emporium as that cum guzzling ass queen Teddy, he has been spotted in the shower with little to no dick. It has also come to my attention that his wife really loves getting cornholed by a Mastercraft V1165 Power Impact Drill. (I made that last part up.) I know if you hate Big Stupid Ted as much as I do, you'd think me saying he has a small dick is pretty lame, but this is first hand information from a guy that saw him in the shower. At least we know why his wife is so handy with cordless tools. Fuck you Ted. Fuck you very much. You FUCKER!!!!! FUCK YOU AND ROT IN HELL YOU HUMAN CLITORIS!!!!!!!!!
ps. Ted sucks cock.
Having read the posts regarding the Canadian Tire guy I can tell you I would perfer to have him as a neighbor then the rest of you complete fucking idiots!You all are the stereotypical, suburban, redneck losers, with zero tolerence for anything that isn't clone like and unoriginal like yourselves...."Watch da game last night Bob" [spit]"Sure did Jimbo.Fucking awesome penalty shot in the first eh."[fart,burb]"Yeah and your old lady sure put out some good slop, hope she ain't sloppy in the bedroom though."[yuk, yuk, yuk,burp,fart]Sound familiar you losers. Truly the dumb and the dumbest. The Canadian Tire guy has got his life together and you don't have one.DDUUUHHH!!!
Hey Marty,
You sound like the kind of man I like! I mean really like! Like the kind of man that cums all over my face just as Canadian Tire guy pisses up my asshole! Oh fuck, I can feel it now! Jesus Christ I want you bad!
xoxox
Mark's Workwearhouse Guy (in the fitting room)
I'd sooner have that Scottish Guy that appears on the Canadian Tire money do the commercials. But then wouldn't that make it like Scottish Tire? In the old days, they even had a tire with a big fucking smile on it's face running on the Canadian Tire and even that would be funny to see on tv. At least the Scotsman has a reason to have a beard. Remember, never trust anyone in a beard (isn't that the saying?)
I am very dissapointed with some of the crude comments regarding the Canadian Tire Guy, especially the gay comments by that other dumb fuck blogger, slippy sloppy and work warehouse [fucking retard]I'm a women in eastern Canada who has slept with Ted in the last year and I must say he ROCKED MY WORLD!! in the bedroom.He is a real man, big and thick [makes JC Holmes look like a twinkie, probably like the rest of you ass holes have.Ted is the real deal and a lady's man all the way.Can't wait until he thrusts that big Motor Master hammer deep inside me again. Now fuck off the rest of you MORONS......Wet Betty
people get a grip, he is an actor and to have such hostility is well pretty silly. if you don't like what you see change the channel or shop at another store.
a perfectly trimmed beard, quick razor sharp witt, followed by a classic line,,,this guy is amazing. I think his talent and sheer enthusiasm are an added bonus to my hockey night in canada or a mid afternoon golf game..My only problem is the fact that C.T. has been limiting his humor in recent episodes, but even if they control his words they can't control his unique gestures.....good on ya pal, keep up the good work
Canadian Tire Guy is a fucked up dirty cock sucker who can go fuck himself. He is a shity Bastard who can kiss my ass and fuck off u fag.I m talkin to u TED U BIG FUCKING FAG
HOMO! I wonder when he uses his MotoMaster Auto Tire inflator, does he use it with a little KY on his faggot fuck friend's ass?
Even his dyke wife looks like she's getting fed up with thier "marriage of convenience"!
I know this guy.. I see him walking the dog every sat morning at monarch park in east york. he's quite nice and quiet.. and his dog likes fucking my dog. we bond.
It is pretty shameful that people have a narrow outlook on how a Ted is on the commercials. Every guy out there would love a chance to be in his position and make the money he does. But when you have an I Q of your shoe size all you see is the nose at the end of your pumpkin. The funny thing is all the people that dispize the guy shops at Canadian Tire, watches the show and spends time shooting off their mouths. Then goes to the store to buy that peticular item. Any one out there talks about another guy's dick or being gay doesn't have much of a life, and does have low self asteem.
I guess you don't have what it takes.
If only Ted Simonett could wake up and realize that he is an absolute, total fucking asshat. I'm not quite certain about his gayness, yet it is possible that he swings both ways. Regardless, I bet he's the type of guy who begs his dirty skank of a wife to shit all over his face after she blows his microscopic pecker. And in turn, I'm sure he LOVES giving her a hot lunch to boot. All in all, Ted is just jeopardizing Canadian Tire's reputation. Class-A hat shitter!
Hello, just a small note in regards to the Canadian tire guy.
I have taken the crusade against this nefarious character one step further. It all dawned on me one day sitting through one particular episode of the drivel, in a state of hypnosis that these commercials induce, that i realized that the C.T. guy was anything BUT Canadian.
Here we had the son ,little fat "johnny" ( fat no doubt from not lifting a finger to do anything as any mastercraft tool could save him the trouble)in his tent on his laptop powered by some fancy portable battery ,......playing space invaders on a sunny day!!!
Whaaaaaat
A atomic mindbomb went off in my conciousness. This man and or at leats the writers must be stopped.
Camping is about roughing it, getting cold, damp, wet and bugbitten, yes thats a Canadian tradition!!
Thats what i did when i was just a little feller with my dad. Rain or shine , we were in or on the lake , swimming or fishing , bug bitten and miserable. Hell , I hated some of it, and i am happy i hated it. I have a right to do it, be miserable and hate it. And most importantly: No fancy shit, just a crappy old tent, coleman pump the hell outta yer arm stove, and other old poorly working dangerous equipment.
dad would have taken that laptop and reduced it to a shambles in seconds. This attitude is what has helped us become a Nation.
It would have been as wilfred brimley said " the right thing to do" (ahh shit i hated that american old fart too, he was the quaker oats guy)
Ahhh but i digress. Again it hit me hard. The C.T. guy was rewriting our collective Canadian psyche!!
So i had to do something, to strike a blow for freedom, and save us from this crap and drivel.
How would i do this , how could i just another Scrappy Canuck back bent under the taxburden and national identity crisis we all seem to be told we have, do anything.
then i saw it. the way to make a difference.i was at crappy tire and walked by a small repeating VCR set with yes good OLD CT guy on the screen.
So NOW when I go to Crappy tire i turn those darn TVs off. Just one little push of the finger. I am NOT joking .........i do this. A small deed yes. But by some measure, I believe, i am little by little saving the sanity of the poor witless souls, like myself who have been inundated by this dude.
I have even considered taking a universal remote with me and tunring the BIG TV off ( its a hard one to get at, i have only done it once)
I hope i am helping people, nice people, who after being bombarded by this bullshit at home, would now walk willingly BUT unwittingly by those sets AGAIN,and AGAIN .With the insidious, message of the C.T. guy droning on in their collective craniums. This kind of overdose of this dangerous mind bending gruel has to be bad for us.
So fellow Canadians , i say to you: be Canadian , do the right thing. Help your fellow man.
Turn that guy off.
Again seriously, I have been doing this for months and i am sure i have helped many.
all it takes is a little push....
Jeff E.
just another crusader for the Real Canadian Way
p.s. i have not been approached y staff yet about my turning these tvs off. I dont do it in front iof them not fearing reprisal ohteer then them turing the set on again(i cant see their being a real issue they let you handle all the other merchandise) But if i am, i will old my head high, take a deep breath and say " i have ever right as an over taxed, red marrowed Canadian TRUE NORTH STRONG AND FREE i may add, NOT to listen to that shit ........and ......it bothers me, and i DONT have to take it ."
or something like that.
PPS i have seen the staff walk by the turned off sets ,none yet have re-turned them on !!!
I love to read the Blogs on Canadian Tire guy. I actually know him personally and went to University with Ted way, way back when. He was an absolute wild man back then, wacky and crazy, with a fabulous sense of humour. As much as people love to hate "Canadian Tire Guy" lets not confuse the character with the real individual. I've seen him in a number of plays over the years and he is a very talented actor. Kudos to Ted!!!
i dont mind ted ( he looks like a wild man/boozer/ ho banger )its this marketing i cant stand.
i will keep tunring off the sets and fighting for the people
jeff E
The irony is..he's usually hangin' out with his fake wife doin' fake stuff with Crappy Tire junk gizmo's (which is a completely seperate , yet valid rant), but i'm pretty sure he's gay?..isn't that some violation of or advertising faux pas...like misleading or some such?..maybe the CRTC should be involved?..i dunno.
We also hate Ted Simonett. Him and his god dam fake handy ass.. I wish he would take propane torch to his face and wrap a garden hose around his fake wifes neck.. Crappy tire can burn in hell!!!
Bob is a silly twisted stuck up dick. bob Sucks the cum from little boys peckers and swallows for fun, i HATE BOB FROM CANADIAN TIRE WITH A PASSION. I fi met bob i would strap him to a chair and beat him wih a heavy piece of mining equiptment, mabey so he would shut the fuck up fro once.
-JollyRoger
here is what i would like to do ,steal the Partidge Family bus ,take canadian tire guy and that zoom zoom kid,jared from subway,the encyclopedia kid form the 80's,the tasters choice couple and drive them all off a cliff,just a thought
I honestly can't say I hate Ted, but I do absolutley HATE the character he portrays. I think if my neighbour was like that I beat him with a "Canadian Tire" iron.
Some may say that it's a great ad campaign because it's annoying and sticks in your head, that you remember Canadian Tire when you need something and go shopping there. I disagree, I for one will not shop at any store or buy any products of companies that run totally fucking annoying adds, just out of spite. I bet there are many people out there that do the same. Don't these bastards realize that most people just change to another tv station or radio station to avoid these commercials...how can that be good marketing?
I think it's pretty funny how pissed some people get at a guy on a tv commercial that you may only see for 10 minutes in a year. But the funniest of all is Wet Betty, who I am convinced is actually Ted Simonett, who stumbled on this flamefest and thought the best way to regain himself was to pretend he was a woman whos MasterCraft Universal Socket Set was streched beyond its 28mm limit by his MasterCraft 9 3/4" Titanium Tipped Drill Bit. Way to go Ted Simonett, I mean "Wet Betty"
I wrote a small play involving this man.
http://cooltreats.blogspot.com/2005/10/ill-start-with-you.html
I wrote a small play involving this man.
http://cooltreats.blogspot.com/2005/10/ill-start-with-you.html
When Canadian tire going to come out with the dildo 300 with extra vibration technoligy. Im sure that ted would love to cornhole himself once and a while.
seriously ur adults, dont act this way, hes doing this for the money, not trying to piss u off. leave the poor guy alone, sure hes annoying, but, dont do this for fun, how do think he feels when hes sees this, cuz i hav no doubt in my mind hes seen sum of this crap b4.
hey, I think he's a cool dude - so you guys had better leave him alone!
Get a Life people! Hope you are all happy that he is gone?
O'B
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I found him! He's now peddling erectile dysfunction drugs!
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I found him! He's now peddling erectile dysfunction drugs!
http://64.141.100.227/
i found him! He's peddling erectile dysfunction drugs!
http://64.141.100.227/
I found him! He's now peddling erectile dysfunction drugs!
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I found him! He's pedaling erectile dysfunction drugs!
http://64.141.100.227/
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