Bush's Remarks on Foiled Terrorist Plot
The nearly-official White House transcript
 

August 15 2006
Counterbias.com
STEVE HOROWITZ


"Today we have learned that security officials in Great Britain have stopped and uncovered a plot by evildoers to blow up airplanes flying to the United States. Speaking for all Americans, and for freedom-loving un-Americans everywhere, I want to say thank you to the vigilant British authorities for the excellent work that potentially saved so many lives. Speaking for myself, I want to express my undying gratitude for the opportunity to stroll purposefully up to this podium and appear presidential. Nine eleven.

"Many Americans have noticed that this administration is real good at alienating and dividing people, both domestically and non-domestically. Take Iraq. Please. (Heh heh.) As that once-proud nation sinks deeper into civil war -- I mean, sectarian tension -- everyone sees that we had no business attacking it, and that my administration's WMD-fearmanger -- fearfingering -- scary saying of things was nothing but lies.

"But in recent weeks, nine eleven, world events have helped distract you from the lies and incompetence of my administration and the deaths of nearly one hundred Iraqis a day, and Dick couldn't be more pleased. First Israel started whaling on Beirut because they were mad at the Ebola terrorists. So no way we're we going to stop that, right? Screw the UN -- again! (Heh heh.) Nine eleven. And now I can also say that there are bad folks in the world, folks who hate us for our freedoms, allowing this administration to play with that color-chart thingy while we make sure you have fewer freedoms for them to hate.

This country is safer than it was prior to nine eleven. We've taken a lot of measures to protect the American people but obviously we're not completely safe ... It is a mistake to believe there is no threat to the United States of America. And that is why we have given our officials the tools they need to protect us, like the power to ignore the Constitution and other legal things.

So therefore, nine eleven, we must keep on havin' vigilance, and focusin' on those mini-school threats, rather than on more difficult issues that make me have ta think hard about things, like global warmin' or that stem cell thing, which, hell, I nearly busted a gasket thinkin' on, even though I didn't mind because bein' president is my job, and it's a hard job, and it's good when I can talk about the sanctity of life while the United States and Israel are killin' civilians and destroyin' infastruct ... infrastuck ... bridges and stuff. Nine eleven.

But let me put G's back on my words, because this isn't a campaign rally in Missouri. This is an airplane tarmac in Green Bay, where I've interrupted my vacation to look important and resolute and make everybody scared about Islamic fascists instead of the Republican kind.

Yo, Blair -- I appreciate the close cooperation between our government and the government of the United Kingdom. The American people need to know we live in a dangerous world -- as if the world was never dangerous before (heh heh) -- so that anytime anyone raises doubts or disagrees with my policies Karl can question their patriotism. As Tony Snow said earlier, "You can't go overboard when you're trying to save lives." So rest assured that my administration will continue to go overboard.

Thank you, and watch what you say.

Nine eleven."

(SOURCE: http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2006/08/20060810-3.html)

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Steve Horowitz is a freelance political and advertising writer in Hollywood, Fla. He can be reached at stevecopy@bellsouth.net.

 

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