In Search of Wile E. Coyote's Little Umbrella
A rant on tsunamis, American elections, Evangelical nutjobs, Tom DeLay, and other such debacles
 

January 6 2004
Counterbias.com
by W. David Jenkins III
 

A year ago I really thought that we wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore. I could’ve sworn that people couldn’t be suckered in again, and America would be on the road to recovery instead of deliberately aiming for the edge of the cliff.

I thought wrong. The ignorant and the self-proclaimed righteous ones have clasped their hands like Thelma and Louise in their support of the worst thing ever to stain Washington D.C. Yup, they've hit the gas in a reckless effort to jump the Grand Canyon, somehow, and save the world. Meanwhile, the rest of us are left to raise our little umbrellas over our heads like Wile E. Coyote after slamming against the canyon floor in anticipation of the huge rock plummeting towards him. What’s even worse, now things have got me mixing metaphors! Where’s my little umbrella?

Oh my, my – things are not off to a good start are they? In the short time since Diebold and Triad sat in for the Supreme Court this election, the Bush gang and the future they promise look worse and worse. Reality seems to be banging a bit louder on the front door of the White House and it’s beginning to look like Bush Inc. is going to get hit from all sides this second term. It looks like the forces of nature want to weigh in as well. Let’s get out our little umbrellas and begin shall we?

The disaster in the Indian Ocean region over Christmas weekend was beyond description. The pictures of the despair left behind in the wake of the tsunami could’ve broken even the coldest of hearts. Leaders from around the world immediately spoke out and pledged their prayers and support. German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder and U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan cut short their vacations in order to oversee the relief efforts they were responsible for while former president Bill Clinton urged a “coordinated international response.” In the immediate aftermath of an historic disaster, the leaders of the world community came together – except one.

After three days and some jabs over the word “stingy,” the still-vacationing, accidental leader of the free world managed to break away from “clearing brush” to make a three-minute statement once he realized that nobody actually was going to “sue Mommy.”

But, instead of the media focusing on Bush’s lack of attention to the disaster and any subsequent personal statements to the public (which one senior White House official described as “freaky”), they zeroed in on whether or not America was really as “stingy” as that nasty old Jan Egeland, UN Under-Secretary General for Humanitarian Affairs and Emergency Relief Coordinator, alluded to – but never singled out America specifically. Bush even remarked that Egeland was “very misguided and ill informed.” Now there’s chutzpah for you – from the guy who can’t find any WMDs in Iraq!

This is also the same guy who, just before Christmas, warned us that organizations like Save the Children and Catholic Relief Services would be getting hundreds of millions of dollars less from the United States because we forgot to armor a few HumVees. Bush was genuinely indignant when he was addressing that particular world view of America that just wants an answer to the question, why? Since when did anybody, especially George W. Bush give a rat’s behind about what the world thought of us?

These people are unbelievable!

No, we’re not off to a very good start. We’ll now cough up $35 million for tsunami relief, $20 million pledged after we were called stingy (but we’re going to be bilked for more than 40 million for Bush’s “I got away with it again” party on January 20). More recent reports say we’re going to “pledge” $350 million now that the rest of the world’s generosity has made us look bad enough.

Of course, we also “pledged” a huge chunk of change to the earthquake victims in Bam, Iran a few years ago and they’re still waiting for a check. Not to mention, Florida was pledged $13 billion after the hurricanes. Now just where would people get the idea that we’re stingy?

On a brighter note, it looks like Democrat Christine Gregoire will be Washington State’s governor, which shows just how well things work out when every stinkin’ vote is counted! Are you listening, Ohio? Can you hear me, Florida? Of course you can, that’s why you don’t like counting all the votes.

Meanwhile, whining Republican Dino Rossi wants a re-vote. That’s right, you heard me. Because the guy who lost feels that the “uncertainty” of the result would be bad for the state, there should be a re-vote. Okay, Dino, I’ll make a deal with you…

Has anybody else noticed that there seems to be an infiltration of America-hating liberals running around Iraq? After not supporting the invasion, and making jokes about Bush and other abysmal excuses passing for conservatives, these Godless Hollywood-type liberals have been spotted (gasp!) entertaining the troops in Iraq! Have they no shame? Al Franken and Robin Williams have been undermining Bush’s efforts by bringing comedy to the troops and, oh my, there’s David Letterman spending Christmas Eve with them! This is outrageous! Where the hell is Drew Carey or Brittany Spears or Sean Hannity? Do they know about this?

And speaking of matters concerning the media…

Why is it news to show row upon row of dead children in Sri Lanka and other countries hit by the tsunami, but identical pictures from Iraq or Afghanistan are taboo?

What is all this nonsense about an “undisputed victory” in regard to the last attempt at an election here? According to the hype from the mainstream media, this is one of the big stories they’ll be reflecting upon in their look-back at 2004. Once again, these invertebrates have shown they’ve learned nothing from past mistakes. The genuine big story took place in Ohio – not that the liberal media was going to tell you or anything.

And speaking of the news channels and their “look-back at 2004” specials, could you believe the subjects they chose for the trailers to advertise? They selected highlights from Bush’s “win,” Scott Peterson, Martha Stewart, Michael Jackson and the Florida hurricanes. I guess Abu Ghraib, Valerie Plame, trashing the CIA and a deadly botch-up in Iraq never happened. Phew! That was close!

Speaking of that botch-up in Iraq, why isn’t anybody worried about that election at the end of January? It’s being touted as another “fix-up” to the situation Bush lied us into over there. Doesn’t this ring a bell? Remember all the other things that would “fix” Iraq?

The fall of Baghdad.

“Mission Accomplished.”

“Bring ‘em on.”

“The Capture of Saddam.”

“The June Sovereignty.”

“The annihilation of Fallujah”

All these great little fixer-uppers that only brought more dead soldiers and innocent civilians. Can we get a plan already, please?

From the Cherry Pickin’ Christian Dept:

On December 29, the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas issued a brief thanking God for killing thousands of Swedes in the recent catastrophic tsunami – just in case they were gay.

Evangelical nut job, Dr. James Dobson, has declared jihad against anyone in government who does not support reclaiming the courts for Christ. He named six Democrats who will be “put in the bull’s-eye” should they try any obstructionist behavior in terms of Bush's judicial appointees.

Dr. James Kennedy of the Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church recently was asked about the election and what he thought the results should mean. The good reverend feels that God had “intervened” in the election and had given Bush and the Cherry Pickers a “moral mandate.” When he was asked about the millions of Americans who either don’t share his “Christian” views or who don’t feel he and his kind should have too much influence on policy, he remarked, “I couldn't care less.” He also pointed out that things better change pretty quick because he didn’t know how long “God’s patience would last.”

William J. Murray, president of something called Religious Freedom Action Coalition, has begun a grassroots organization called Big Brother Church Watch. This group’s purpose is to “spy” on other churches to make sure they’re not pushing a liberal agenda or supporting any liberal policies – especially from the pulpit. Apparently, this has nothing in common with conservative pastors urging their congregations to vote for Bush.

Now, along with the Cherry Pickers, members of the far-right wing are pledging to pummel the buh-geezuz out of poor Dubya if he not spend that “political capital” in ways that suit them. Along with the appointment of radical conservative judges to the federal bench, these little bench monkeys want the rights of people hurt by corporate and medical negligence curtailed so as not to infringe upon profits for those poor, victimized stockholders.

Gay rights, women’s rights, civil rights are also fair game for these reckless ideologues who are hell-bent to do as much damage as they can in the name of “moral values” before Bush becomes a lame duck – rather than the political quack that he already is.  And they’re going to ram this stuff through by any means necessary and if anybody dares to question their ethics (for lack of a better term) well, they've got that problem taken care of too.

Seems as though ethics chairman, Joel Hefley is going to be out of a job soon. Joel had the audacity to admonish Congressional sleaze-ball, Tom DeLay, for his multiple, dubious shenanigans and his repeated abuse of power. Because of Hefley’s independence in such matters, Denny Hastert has decided the ethical standards presently governing our Congressmen's activities need to be lowered and a more abuser-friendly chairman appointed.

I don’t know, it seems like four long years ago we were hearing how the adults were now in charge and all that nonsense. But today the White House and Congress resemble an elementary school playground more than anything else.

“Yer out!”

“Am not!”

“Yer it!”

“Did not!”

“Who’s your nanny?”

“Shut up!”

“Yer a cheapskate!”

“Am not!”

Something tells me that Bush’s second term is going to be the same kind of cakewalk they told us Iraq would be. I have another feeling that the rest of us are going to end up worse off than an audience member at a Gallagher concert without plastic sheeting. Bush’s Sledge-O-Matic has come to America.

Can you hear that high-pitched whistling sound?

Get out your little umbrellas.
 

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