Who Are CNN Personalities Voting For?

October 28 2004
Counterbias.com
Robert Furs
P S Y C H I C   P S E U D O P U N D I T

American big media CEOs are by nature Republican. While the myth of the "liberal media" is still sustained (albeit to lesser amounts these days with the advent of Fox News and the powerful right-wing media machine), any outside observer will notice that media coverage in the United States leans to the right, usually towards Republicanism. The biases of individual reporters, commentators or anchors do not matter as much as the leanings of the head honchos running the show. If Time Warner's CEO or the chiefs at CNN's political division want their news to favor the incumbent or the current administration holding power, then it surely will, for job security these days is more important than the merits of journalistic integrity to the pampered pundit class.

So CNN, although marketing itself as a cable news network fair to both sides, sometimes subtly and sometimes not-so-subtly favors the Republican establishment. But what of the individual personalities providing the face for the network? Who do they support? I will use my self-training in media analysis, my hazy textbook knowledge of psychology, and even some inherent God-given psychic prowess, to guide this tour of who some of CNN's biggest on-screen personalities will vote for on November 2nd.

Wolf Blitzer: Wolf's not a robot, but he plays one on TV. His monotonic voice, ridiculously short stature, and toeing of the Pentagon's line at all times, work to create a surprisingly capable Soviet-Unionesque propaganda powerhouse for such a diminutive figure. Since Bush is in power and Blitzer would not step to that, Blitzer is voting... Bush.

Paula Zahn: Barbie is alive, and she's anchoring your favorite prime-time cable news program! Although the giggly Zahn is formerly of nutcase-nurturing Fox News, and has a reputation of a more Republican variety, she can be surprisingly fair when pushed. During a recent "town-hall meeting" on her show, after the Bush-Cheney representative conjured up 9/11 when answering a question about why one should support the Iraqi occupation, Zahn jumped in with "I don't mean to cut you off, sir, but what does that have to do with Saddam Hussein and the war in Iraq?" Previously I'd have categorized her as a Bush supporter, but she appears in tune with what's really going on, and nobody looking like Paula Zahn can possibly be a Bush voter as far as my mental schema is concerned... Kerry it is.

Anderson Cooper: You'd be hard-pressed to find a homosexual, other than the very confused Log Cabin Republicans (who have decided not to endorse Bush due to his anti-gay policies), who will vote Dubya. No, this does not make Kerry the choice for homos and pedophiles, as some of my more bigoted readers will conclude. Mr. Cooper is in fact gay (which is not readily apparent, as he does not sound or pounce about like Will of Will & Grace fame), and even if he did agree that cutting taxes is the solution to every problem, he wouldn't cast his vote for the guy who uses anti-gay-marriage rhetoric as a political tool. Anderson is in... Kerry's column.

Candy Crowley: If you've seen Candy, you know how ironic her name is. In case you don't watch CNN's political coverage, I'll spell it out for you: Ms. Crowley is a rather large lady... and her name is Candy! That's crazy, hey? Because, like, she must love Snickers. What I find disturbing is that she's always in a depressed state, and her genuinely sad appearance is not one you'd expect to find in a business that normally replaces genuine journalists with camera-friendly faces. Who's she voting for? Well, she is always down on Kerry. Regular viewers of Ms. Candy know that she's not down with the Democrats. Candy will be eating... Bush, on voting night.

Lou Dobbs: If you've seen this guy in action, you'll know that he's an opinionated, angry populist, regularly lashing out against outsourcing and illegal immigration. Dobbs is a white, marshmallowy rich man fighting for middle-class Americans when nobody else will, and the result is quite amusing, if not depressing at times. Lou clearly doesn't like Bush or Kerry, because they both won't fight harder to keep those wild "illegal aliens" out. If anything, he's got a semi-clear vision of what's wrong with America (he's one of few to have discussed electronic voting problems on a regular basis). In Lou's world, everyone's a failure, and the "outsourcing of America" spells doom for mankind. This year, Dobbs is voting for whom else but the only viable third option... Ralph Nader, although that vote will likely be outsourced to Bush anyway.

Robert Furs, a Counterbias.com columnist, is one year away from a Minor in Psychology and, like Jon Stewart, is an avid CNN viewer but doesn't like what he sees.