No Slaves For You!

October 12 2004
Counterbias.com
by Steve Horowitz

George Bush didn't drool in the second debate, so the media are proclaiming a draw. (Surely the soft bigotry of low expectations can grow no softer.) Even more important, he scored big points with traditionally Democratic black voters by asserting that no judge who supports slavery would get to the Supreme Court on his watch.

For those of you who weren't paying attention in American History, Bush was referring to the Court's 1857 Dred Scott decision, which held that blacks, free or slave, could not become citizens and so could not sue in federal court. The problem, according to Bush? It was "a personal opinion. That's not what the Constitution says. The Constitution of the United States says we're all -- you know, it doesn't say that. It doesn't speak to the equality of America."

So now you know. The Constitution doesn't speak to the equality of America. And this guy didn't even go to law school!

The rest of the debate was less educational, but almost as entertaining. Bush was, in the words of his trainers, "energized" and "passionate" during the town hall-style event. Commentators described him as "amped" and "caffeinated." You and I would call it frenzied and frantic, like the ranting of a meth addict on the tail end of a three-day binge, but we're jaded from chasing down "rumors on the Internets."

"Global conflict requires firm resolve!" he shouted, apparently peeved that we don't believe he's the only one who has it. About the absence of WMDs in Iraq, he gave the only possible explanation: "We didn't find out he didn't have weapons until we got there!" After all, how are we supposed to know if we're justified in killing people until we get there and start killing them?

But let's not split hairs. Republicans rested a lot easier Friday night, knowing that their man had acquitted himself in customary mediocre fashion with insights like "I love our country. I love our values." And "In the old days we'd see a threat, and we could deal with it if we felt like it or not." Democrats could only shake their heads, justifiably pleased with Kerry's performance but still dumbfounded that a mean-spirited ignoramus might still defeat him.

And the undecideds? They looked forward to the third debate because, well, wouldn't you if you had never mattered before?

As for me, I just want to know if the porn is better on the other Internets.

Steve Horowitz is a freelance advertising and political writer living in Hollywood, Fla. His blog is Love America, Hate Bush.