Talk Radio - The Education of a Liberal

May 10 2004
Counterbias.com
Dennis Jones

"Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -Ann Landers

What terrific advice that is. There is no better place to test your political beliefs than in the arena that is talk radio. Carefully crafted arguments based on facts and not personalities and innuendo have allowed the warriors of the right to put my pitiful existence in much more perspective. Without talk radio I wouldn't have come to know the sick, power-hungry, anti-religious and dangerous individual that I really am.

I like to consider myself a liberal and progressive person. I thought that my beliefs were solidly based on principles but talk radio quickly disabused me of that notion. Rush, Hannity, O'Reilly, those great patriots Ollie North and Gordon Liddy and hundred of their brethren are tirelessly pointing out that radical lefties have no principles or core values. We just want power!

Respectfully, I would have to disagree. I have listened carefully over the last ten years and I've been told repeatedly that our (the radical socialists, bleeding hearts, feminazis, tree-huggers, etc.) goal is to socialize the great American society and to flush all of our constitutional rights down the drain. Now just a minute! I could be wrong, but that sounds like a principle to me.

That principle is deeply grounded in the idea of secularism (please read with a nasty sneer like O'Reilly does). I know for a fact that the first amendment was written to keep the government out of church, not the other way around. I know this because talk radio told me this and they got their information from Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell. Case proved. End of conversation.

I learned that we have dangerously engaged in class warfare in our attempts at income redistribution. We want cradle to grave entitlements for lazy welfare cheats and people who haven't been successful because they're stupid. We want those entitlements to be paid for by the wealthiest among us who have worked their fingers to the bone. Job creators or entrepreneurs, the real heroes in America, have succeeded in spite of us.

Wow! It sounds to me like we have a pretty well ordered agenda which is based on a very fundamental idea - the total destruction of all decent society, religion, liberty and capitalism. And we know exactly how we are going to do this. We're going to take over the government, confiscate all of their money and force government programs and regulations on them until they scream! Whatever else happens, we don't want any good to come of all of this except an increase in our level of power.

Sean Hannity has said that we are contemptuous, disgusting and reckless. O'Reilly believes that we are insane morons (as opposed to sane morons). Rush Limbaugh argues that we have caused moral decay. Ollie North intones that we are loony and embarrassing. I cannot print the words that G. Gordon Liddy uses to describe us.

Curiosity got the best of me. I checked and Webster's Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary says that 'liberal' is "favorable to progress or reform, as in religious or political affairs; of or pertaining to representative forms of government rather than aristocracies and monarchies; favorable to or in accord with concepts of maximum individual freedom possible, esp. as guaranteed by law and secured by governmental protection of civil liberties; favoring or permitting freedom of action, esp. with respect to matters of personal belief or expression; free from prejudice or bigotry: tolerant; open-minded or tolerant, esp. free of or not bound by traditional or conventional ideas, values", etcetera. Well, yeah! Now we're talking! There is more, but modesty prevents me from proceeding further.

While I was at it I checked out the definition of 'conservative'. Webster says "disposed to preserve existing conditions, institutions, etc. and to agree with gradual rather than abrupt change; cautiously moderate; traditional in style or manner; avoiding showiness." Not too much excitement here, eh?

Would it be too much to say that it was liberal thinking that resulted in the end of slavery and the more conservative of us wanted to slowly phase it out? Maybe they could start with a work release program where slaves would be entitled to eventually purchase their freedom! That would also have the benefit of contributing to the gross national product.

Let's talk about the environment. Can we say that it was  progressive to advocate the idea that the environment belongs to all of us and that conserving it for future generations would be a good thing? Others believe that despoiling our land and waterways in the name of profit should not be hindered by governmental regulation. Jobs will be our reward. Besides, I heard once that trees cause most pollution anyway and that is why cutting them all down is a good idea (thank you St. Reagan!).

And let us never forget religion. Isn't it a liberal notion to  believe that your religion is your own private concern and that you are entitled to believe anything that you want? But in the government? We have tried having religion rule the country before and the results were not good. Some governments even went so far as to burn people at the stake. Of course that's effective population control and it doesn't really harm the environment. Forest fires cause much more harm. Those damn trees again!

I guess that talk radio would say that I am probably mostly liberal according to Webster with just a touch of conservativism thrown in once in a while to temper my thoughts. I want to take all of the conservative's money, but I want to keep the IRS to total it up. I want to completely eliminate every reference to the Deity in every day life, but I want to have churches to keep our people busy on Sundays. I want to take all of our freedoms away, but I don't want to change the Constitution to include any new ones.

But then I started thinking about all of this and I finally came to one conclusion - bullshit! These pundits of the airwaves may be talking about you other guys, but I'm not like that at all. How could they possibly know what is in my heart or what my motives are? Who are these people to lump me in with a bunch of crazies and weirdos? Just because someone who may happen to be a liberal utters a stupid remark, does that mean that I am stupid too?

I think what we need here is a national "Do Not Classify" list. You could sign up if you don't want to be lumped together under one banner because some talk show host wanted to demonize you. Those who unfairly lump all liberals (or conservatives for that matter) into one group and then tie them to some issue which they view unfavorably would be punished. They would be required to utter a profound apology to everyone on the "Do Not Classify" list on the air, and then they would have to assure all of their listeners that it would be impossible to have the slightest idea about what our motives are. There would be no time for any more bombast. This, of course, would probably result in the death of talk radio (please refrain from applause).

In the future I promise to try to stop classifying conservatives based on my perceptions of their motives. I believe strongly in allowing them to utter their backward ideas, and I won't attribute those ideas to an understanding of their minds which I cannot possess. Sometimes they may even be right. Probably not, but their abject failure will be enough for me.

I could go on and on but I have to wind this up for now. The evening news will be on in another couple of hours and I have to get in touch with Dan Rather to make sure that the right slant makes it on tonight's airwaves.