Leaked White House Email Shows Campaign Concerns

May 7 2004
Counterbias.com
by Ian Watson
T R U T H   I N   S A T I R E


A March 31 email from Vice President Dick Cheney to Bush's chief political advisor Karl Rove shows concern regarding Bush's reelection campaign. In the email, which was leaked from sources within the White House to the Center for American Progress, Cheney tells Rove to "redouble" his campaign efforts because of damage done by allegations from former Counterterrorism Chief Richard Clarke.

Cheney praised Rove for the political ad campaign focusing on terrorism and for the issue of gay marriage, a possible indication that Rove is somehow connected to President Bush's statements in support of a constitutional ban against same-sex marriage. The email also implies National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice might have been replaced if her testimony before the 9-11 Commission further damaged the White House.

The email from Cheney includes colorful language and refers to President Bush as "Junior" and "Pretzel Boy". Email correspondence is typically known for its informal nature while professional language remains the traditional rule for memos and letters. Cheney also refers to Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia as "one high-maintenance whore," possibly referring to Cheney's duck-hunting trip with Scalia in January while a Supreme Court case was pending on the issue of Cheney's secret Energy Task Force meetings.

An image of the leaked email can be seen here. The following is the complete text of the email:

From: Richard Cheney
Sent: Wednesday, March 31, 2004 4:24 PM
To: 'Karl Rove'
Cc:
Subject: Campaign Progress

Karl,

Keeping up with Junior is becoming a real chore. You need to start earning your keep around here and do a better job of watching that boy. When I was on the phone with Rush the other day, he barged in and asked me why we were fighting a War on Tourism! "Tourism" for Christ' sake! I was live on the air! What if all the gazillion dittoheads heard that, damnit?

Look - This testimony to the 9-11 Commission could prove nasty - even though we kept it from being under oath. Thank Christ those boneheads actually agreed for Junior and me to be questioned at the same time, and out of public view! Morons! Still, some punk-ass uppity democrat might actually ask a pertinent question. I'm not as young as I used to be, Karl - with my reflexes I may not be able to swat Pretzel Boy upside the head before he says something stupid. Condi can hold her own, I'm not worried about her. Although, in the case she has to become a "fall gal" I want you to have a replacement lined up and ready to go.

This business with Clarke and the others has thrown a wrench into your whole campaign and you need to redouble your efforts. We can't afford any more hiccups. I swear to God himself - the next time you come up with something stupid like promoting a mission to Mars, I will personally have you shot by firing squad. Stick to what works. This gay marriage crap you dreamed up is doing wonders. I don't care if you have to come out of the closet yourself, just keep it in the headlines. These people don't care if we started a war based on lies, gave away the government surplus (and then some) to the rich, and rake our economy over the coals of a record $7 trillion deficit. But if they have to see a couple of queers holding hands, they flip out! And then flock to Bush! I love Americans!

Also, that string of terror ads was good stuff. The image of the dead body from the World Trade Center attacks was an especially nice touch. Those ads even scared ME! I know this is your expertise, but what do you think about an ad for the summer that says something like: "Vote for John Kerry and terrorists will kill you and your children. Bush Cheney 2004." I think
it's got a ring to it. Anyway, I can't help you with that stuff - I'm too busy with Scalia these days. That cat is one high-maintenance whore!

One last thing - stop calling me "Daddy Warbucks" in public. It may be funny in staff meetings, but it leaves the wrong impression.

Dick

P.S. Keep your Penthouses out of the West Wing restrooms. The ladies don't need to see that foul crap.

Richard B. Cheney
Office of the Vice President

Ian Watson is a working stiff and creator of www.bushpresident2004.com.