Warning: French May Be Spoken Here

May 5 2004
Counterbias.com
Cory M. Marshall
F O C U S   O N   C A N A D A


Our country has taken a lot of abuse for our immigration policies which might even verge on the lackadaisical.  Sure, we seem to be willing to harbour just about anybody at some point, for some time.  It is a peculiar tribute to our culture that we do not feel threatened by the wife of a Somali war lord, or Nazis and their wannabes.  That's probably why most of us were not afraid of the bride of Al-Qaeda, except for "Stocks" and his ilk.

It is almost as touching to see a man of the cloth to lash out about an ostensible widow as it is to see a statesman do it. We have the privilege of hearing both in "Christ-on-a-Sea-Doo", Stockwell Day.  However, the breadth of his compassion is unfortunately tempered by a want of understanding that, as a Canadian, this poor woman is just as entitled to a ridiculous opinion as is the faux-Tory immigration critic.

I wonder if all Americans truly lament our convenient locale and in some cases, our willingness to trade away misdemeanours for cold hard cash, to permit entry.  There are ill winds blowing down south, one might even sense a draft. At first there was a light waft emanating from a USG website calling for volunteers for the selective service boards all over the country.  Then there were rumblings in Congress, and now, this latest call to increase the age cap to 34, include women, and compel certain trade specialists to register.  How does the border look now?  Would it be alright if we close it now, Mr. Day, or should we wait for our American friends and close it after?  Will we, in the course of our latter day recusance of objectors, permit our friends respite from someone else's war plans, or will we shut the door and turn them back to the Alamo of the petrocarbon empire, with only sand and oil between them and reason?

Personally, I think we should keep the Fundamentalist Christians out, given the messes they tend to make trying to turn a series of "shalt not"s into "must do"s.  They should stay behind in the spirit of cleaning up after themselves.  However, cleaning up to those people means something different altogether, and they seem to rely on Someone Else sorting things out. Perhaps in fairness, we should really hold them at the border until a satisfactory explanation is given as to why certain Baptists may handle snakes but Harry Potter may not. It would probably be difficult for the average Canadian to put another human being through this sort of treatment, so maybe we should admit some of the Iraqis who've already been -er-- scrutinized by our American friends, and post them along our frontier with the United States.

Of course, the proviso would have to be that French is spoken here.  Perhaps in celebration of our French influence or merely in deference to our neighbours in St. Pierre et Miquelon, we still have French toast and French fries, only the French people here cover them in cheese and gravy and call it poutine. Poutine and strong beer; that ought to take the edge of the Draft Dodgin' Blues.