50 Cent: Whiny Schoolgirl Thug

Mar 5 2004
Counterbias.com
Robert Furs

For a man who takes great pride in the fact that he was once shot nine times, rapper 50 Cent seems to be intent on taking multiple shots to his credibility—and he is inflicting them upon himself.

Fifty has recently taken a stand against the Grammys. Why? Simply because he didn’t win the award for Best New Artist. When his humorously egotistical nature got the best of him, Fifty embarrassingly found himself in a scene straight from Zoolander—walking triumphantly up to receive his Grammy, when rock group Evanescence heartlessly jacked Fifty for the award he presumed was his.

What made Fifty so certain that the award was his? Well, he’s rich, he’s dating Vivica A. Fox, white people worldwide love him (and everyone else, too!), and even arch nemesis Ja Rule despises him enough to stop singing for three seconds to make some gritty diss tracks (ie. Clap Back and The Wrap). Fifty’s slums-to-the-big-leagues life story, along with a likely pre-award-show dose of ganja, gave him an unconventional blast of superhuman confidence. So much confidence that the simple fact that he existed made the Best New Artist award his. And when it didn’t, the Grammys paid the price.

"I will never go back to the Grammy Awards ever in my career,” threatened 50 Cent.

Now, Fifty is ignoring the fact that he likely won’t even reach Grammy-status in the upcoming years. His music has fallen to Ja Rule-like levels, and if things get worse, he’ll be in Coolio domain. But maybe this latest dose of pure unadulterated Grammy rage, as well as the probable and well-deserved lack of mainstream congratulation in the near future, will give Fifty the shot he needs to bring his music back to the street level he once excelled at.

"I don't understand how Evanescence got best new artist. I feel like I got jerked at the Grammy’s because I'm aggressive,” whined Fifty.

He’s right; his aggressiveness had everything to do with him losing to a group of goofy, non-thug amateurs. It had everything to do with the fact that his ego is aggressively expanding to levels as of yet not reached by most members of mankind, or that he is aggressively pursuing a career of hip-pop suckage formulated on financial gain and mainstream acceptance rather than creative flavor and rugged musical escape.

On his majestically-titled track, “I Smell Pussy”, Fifty sings, “I smell pussy, is that you Ja?” referring to nemesis Ja Rule, the thug-turned-metrosexual singer/rapper. Now, with Fifty’s latest Zoolanderesque embarrassment at the Grammies, his comedic demand for respect from mainstream recognition ceremonies and ignorantly egotistical attitude, Fifty is beginning to give off a distinct odor of his own. Hopefully he can go back to ignoring the hype surrounding his elaborately concocted media-thuglet image and return to doing what he did before suburban teen girls latched onto him: making gritty hip hop that did what hip hop does best—fight the power and do anything it takes to get some of your own rather than whining like a little schoolgirl.